Struggling with my “Artist” Identity

Struggling with my “Artist” Identity

All photos by Anna Mayer Photo

One of the scariest and most embarrassing things ever is calling myself an “artist.”

When children are little, most parents don’t dream of their children becoming artists. Most parents would prefer their child become a doctor, lawyer, engineer or some other job that is stable and always in demand.

My parents always encouraged the arts as a child, paying for private art lessons and training us in art history. However, that was never the intended career path.  And while I have always felt supported in my choices there were conversations, hints, and “vision casting” for my life that usually involved something other than art.

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For the first 15 years of my life, I wanted to be an OBGYN (everyone always thinks I’m insane). That was my very serious dream. When I got involved in speech and debate in high school my focus started to shift to law. All the while I had been painting and drawing several days a week since I was two years old.

Being an artist as a career, never crossed my mind for one glaring reason: being an artist is embarrassing and only the delusional try and pursue it as a career.

Guess what guys? I am a professional artist. I make a little better than average salary for someone of my age and location from my art. I think that means since it’s my full-time job and income source that I qualify as a professional. And I have major imposter syndrome.

While I love what I do and hope I never have to change careers, I still find myself twinge with embarrassment and shame when someone asks “what do you do?” and I say, “I’m an artist.”

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Here are the reasons I harbor embarrassment and shame.

  1. Others perception

When I tell someone that I’m an artist I’m usually met with one of several responses.

  •  “Oh, how fun!” combined with a, * how precious smile* Followed by no more questions
  •  “Oh..ok, so you don’t have like a real job, you get to play all day.” This is maybe the most insulting because nothing could be further from the truth. My days are not spent all day doodling in a studio sipping coffee and doing whatever I want. The majority of my days a long, and spent researching, promoting, in meetings, writing contracts, dealing with prints, shipments, deliveries, restocking, and collaborations. I’m very often on my computer working while my husband and I are watching a movie in the late evenings. This is the hardest job I’ve ever had because not only is it self-regulated, it’s also 24/7 customer service.
  • “Oh interesting, and you think you can make a living doing that?” I don’t think, I know I am making a living doing that. This one just makes me laugh because not only is it just rude, it’s usually not even worth explaining to these people the truth.
  • “That’s so cool! What kind of art do you do?” This response is actually really encouraging and is my favorite, because even if they don’t understand my art or like my style, they at least are opening the door of communication and willing to have a conversation without belittling my choices.

2. I don’t have an art degree.

I have a degree in journalism because the plan was to get a journalism degree, then go to law school then eventually be either a lawyer or broadcast journalist. That didn’t happen. And even though I have been privately trained in drawing and painting and was taught everything my mother knows about art history. (She was an art history major at UCLA) I still feel inferior in my field because I don’t have a piece of paper that says I’m not. I still think about going to art school, but honestly, I think a business degree would be more helpful at this point.

3. The comparison game is a killer.

Unlike being an aspiring lawyer who has to pass the BAR in order to practice law. There are so many ways to become an artist. There are so many people who call themselves an “artist” that practice very differently. Some are merely hobbyists who paint in the evenings and on weekends, some of these people may sell their art at craft shows or in coffee shops, some of them may keep their pieces or give them away for free to friends. Other artists may be trained professionals with Ph.D.’s and teach at a university. Other artists maybe went to art school, or didn’t and have successful art businesses and do gallery showings and bring in a profitable income.  There are so many different kinds of “artists.” And knowing what category you fall into is a constant choice. Comparing oneself to other artists is an easy trap to fall into. I’m no stranger to the comparison game and struggle with the identity of, “artist.”

Those are the main reasons I’m embarrassed when I tell someone that I’m an artist. It’s usually the fear that they will misunderstand where I fall in any of these categories. Being an artist isn’t cut and dry. I’m working on taking pride in my title without fear of what others think. This may be a lifelong battle, but at least I love what I’m doing.

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Do you face imposter syndrome in your career? Tell me about it below. I’d love to hear how you are dealing with it.

Introducing the Better Together Series

Introducing the Better Together Series

The Better Together series is a two part series. The pieces in the first section are “Be Free, 36”x48”, “Bare Your Soul,12”x12”, “Brace Yourself, 11”x14”, “Back For More, 11”x14”, “Brilliant Idea, 6”x6”, and “Bad Idea, 6”x6” These pieces are similar to most of my other works in terms of composition, movement, and palette. They are soft and warm evoking warm summer sun and golden rays of light.

The second installment of the B series consists of, “Burning Me Up, 30×40”, “B before C, 16”x20”, “Be Sure You Know, 12”x12”, and “Be Yourself, 12”x12.” I focused this segment of the B series on textural exploration and a more liberal composition philosophy. These pieces are rich in color, and texture. For me, these pieces are reminiscent of a Tuscan sunset. Pink skies light up terra cotta colors and golden rays of light enrich the texture.

Here are all of the pieces in this little series:

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“Be Free,” 36″x48″

 

Bare Your Soul Christine Olmstead

“Bear Your Soul,” 12″x12″ 

 

“Back for More,” 11″x14″

 

brace yourself

“Brace Yourself,” 11″x14″ 

brilliant idea

“Brilliant Idea,” 6″x6″ 

 

bad idea

“Bad Idea,” 6″x6″

These pieces are the second group in the Better Together series:

be sure you know

“Be Sure You Know,” 12″x12″

 

be yourself

“Be Yourself,” 12″x12″

 

b before c

“B before C,” 16″x20″

 

Burning me up

“Burning Me Up,” 30″x40″ 

The first group of in this series is much more consistent with my other, previous works. The style is similar with a focus on warm tones, rich peaches, saturated emerald greens, and washed in a golden glaze on a gray background. The focus in these pieces is on the layers and dimensionality. A rich depth is created wan layering many thin layers on top of each other.

Be_Free_Christine_Olmstead

The second grouping also focuses on depth but on a textural depth. These pieces are composed more loosely in terms of focal pointing, but the emphasis is on paint texture, in terms of depth rather than tons of thin lays to create visual depth, these pieces focus on many thick layers as a means of creating visual depth.

be yourself

I know what you’re asking, “Christine, why do the titles all start with the letter B?” The truth is that all of the themes I was thinking about started with the letter B. As silly as it sounds, I usually like to roll with things like that if that is the direction the creativity is flowing. I’ve never been one to fight the current of where my creativity leads. Naming my pieces has always been one of my favorite parts of creation and this time the B’s had my whole mind. 

This series has been a restorative pleasure. The focus on both visual and physical depth in art has been a rich explorative experience. There are so many definitions of depth depending on your perspective and experience. In this mini series, I hope you got to experience two different kinds in this collection.